just kill'em...

hey everyone. well the fall semester has began so i'm back to the grind. i'm still scheduled for graduation dec 2008. yay! this semester i'm taking 15hrs (finance, real estate, managerial science, mgmt accounting, professional accounting). i'm super excited with my classes.

i find myself not only interested in accounting, but also real estate (i want to invest in properties/ flip some houses) and as a hobby, photography (i'll post some photographs when i get a new cam for my bday). also, i'm still in the process of getting an accounting internship for this fall.

i'm still working on being a better christian. right now i'm in the "kill'em with kindness" business. i know people who have such a deep hatred for me and i don't know why. they want to see me fail, fall on my face, and crash and burn. sometimes i want to just curse them the hell out, but when u think about it, thats what they want you to do. they want u to be as miserable as they are. so u know what i do...i just kill'em with kindness. i forgive them for the mean things they have said and done to me. i don't go around rollin my eyes when i see them, i just smile at them and tell them to "have a blessed day" and i mean it. yall, i have left them speechless! lol. the look of surprise on their face is enough to give me peace. who would have thunk it? it actually works! whoever said the way to conquer hate..is with love was right. now if we could just get dubya bush to know that..we could change the world (in a good way). :-)

alright thats my update for now. i'm gonna leave you with an excerpt from an article i like on www.christianitytoday.com by colleen alden about being yourself. be blessed yall!

Authenticity
Every once in a while a man comes along who sparks my interest, and vice versa. Then, a funny thing sometimes happens. The more interested I become, the more I become someone else. Someone a little less opinionated, less passionate, more interested in oh, say … auto racing.
Recently I began spending time with a man in a singles gathering I attend. He's a terrific guy—he loves the Lord deeply, has a heart for people, and is actively involved in ministry. He also happens to be physically attractive, too. In our group, he's known as the most eligible bachelor around.

When this man began to pursue me, I felt all the old fears kick in. Was I pretty enough? Thin enough? Charming and talkative enough? However, instead of changing who I was to suit his taste, I began to long instead for someone to love me as is. I didn't know if he was that person, but I decided to let time reveal the mystery. And when he broke things off, I wasn't devastated. I simply felt I'd been given an answer. Though disappointed, I was content and able to let go.
God has made me the woman I am; years of being single have allowed me the opportunity to learn who this woman is. Perhaps God allowed this brief relationship to show me the futility of trying to be someone I'm not, as I've done in previous relationships. It was so much easier and less exhausting to just be myself. I realized I'd rather be single than be with someone who wants me to be someone else. What a lifetime of hard work that would be!

God knows better than anyone who I really am. He wants a man to love me for the woman he made me to be. He knows when I give who I really am to the right man, the groundwork is laid for a powerful union. What freedom I'm finding in allowing others to know me for who I am: the Colleen who doesn't resemble Cindy Crawford, doesn't always say the right thing, and is bored by college basketball!

power of the pastor....

so i've been in a blogging mood lately. mostly because i've been off for 2 weeks and kinda bored. the good thing is that i get to catch up on other blogs. :-)

so i come across this book blog http://rosebooks.blogspot.com/ and there's a review of a book called "the pastor's wife does cry".

its basically about how the women inthe congregation are trying to "holla" at the pastor and blatantly disrespecting the pastor's wife.

it reminded me of when i first joined my church and i had to goto orientation classes. the co-pastor of the church was teaching the class and somehow he got off topic and started talking about how he is happily married and just because he gives you a hug at church doesn't mean he want you. lol.

supposedly, it was just wishful thinking on some of the female parts.

i also remember when i was an undergrad at a hbcu in alabama and my friends and i attended a local church regularly. the pastor told the whole entire congregation that he had been cheating on his wife and he is going to step down for a minute because he was a hypocrite.

that was so wild yall. i mean i know pastors are humans too, but i did agree with him on the hypocrite part.

i mean he did plenty of sermons on the sins of lusting, fornication, adultry, homosexuality, and the such.

matter of fact, this girl that we knew told us that he tried to holla at her when she was at sears one day. thats just crazy ( considering it was a small town where everyone knows everybody else's business).

so i get to thinking, what is so attractive about the pastor? i mean i know there are some physically attractive pastors out there, but the foremention ones weren't.

then it hits me....its got to be the power! i mean if you think about it, pastors have a lot of power and can pretty much get their congregation to do whateva they want. of course it suppose to be all for God, but we all know that is not necessarily true.

back to the story of the pastor that cheated, the next sunday the deacons begged for him to come back to the pew and he agreed. his wife stood by him. i forgot that tell yall that alot of people left the congregation after that.

me personally, i don't know if i ever could be the pastor's wife. God bless coretta scott king (rip). its got to be hard to stand by and let your husband do God's work and not be nagging about how they don't spend enought time with you and the kids and such.

be blessed yall :-)

plan b: part deux

okay so in my previous blog, i told you about a guy who i met leaving the marta train station. i guess i have to update.

i am totally and utterly confused. i will fully admit that i just don't understand men (and they call us women complex). *rolls eyes* now we are still cool and we talk and have great conversations. we only talk about once or twice a week though. i know he is attracted to me otherwise he would have never approached me.

now grant it...it has only been about 2.5 weeks since i've known him, so i'm probably over analyzing again. lol. i can't help it. i'm attracted to him physically and mentally. i just wish he would let me know if he just like me as a friend so i can get over my "crush" that i have on him. he doesn't really say anything. we did talk about past relationships and i know the gf he had for 4 years, he took it slow with her in the beginning. so i'm guessing he is just going with the flow??

*sigh* i don't know what the hell we are doing. so far i'm just playing up the friend angle so as to not make an ass out of myself. i think i'm just going to continue playing it cool and see what happens. thank God, he can't read my mind, i would've scared him off by now. lol.

meanwhile, i need to dust off the 'ol black book and find some dates. i think that might be a good distraction from this dude.

i swear, i really hate liking guys. i spend most of my time trying to figure out if they like me back (i.e~analyzing every conversation we ever had, analyzing dates we go on).

sorry for rambling.

be blessed yall :-)

plan b

okay, so i had this long blog half written and i pressed one button and it all disappeared. i guess that was a hint that i was rambling.

anyhoo, i'm in a reflective mood. have u ever felt like plan b? the next best option? the leftovers?

i went out on a "date" or "friendly outing" or whateva it was. i had written a long paragraph about how i met him, but i'm not rewriting that so i'll just say i met him at the marta train station walking to my car. he seems like a nice, smart guy so far.

we met up at the movie theater yesterday for a 4pm movie. it was okay i guess. he walked me to my car afterwards, gave me a hug, and that was that.

now as a woman, we tend to overanalyze everything. and i get to thinking, was i plan b? i mean it was his idea that we meet up at 3pm because he had something else to do later on that day. now i'm thinking i was probably the first date of the night. i get a matinee movie and his second date gets an actual dinner date. now i feel like an idiot.

after worked today, i get a phone guy from this guy who's kinda interested in me. he asks me if i wanted to go out with him to atlantic station. now i got off work at 9pm. the last thing i feel like doing is going out. once again i'm thinkin i must be plan b. i ask him what happend to the other girl he usually goes out with. he tells me she's outta town. dammit i am plan b.

so i get to thinkin while i'm driving home from work, why the hell am i "the next best option"? i have got to do better than this.

i mean i would never settle for less than i deserve, but my so called dates recently definitely got me thinking about some things.

am i over analyzing things (like most of us woman do)? i don't know.

*sigh* oh well, at least i got an "A" out of my accounting II class this semester.

be blessed. :-)